The New Normal

So many of us are getting use to the new normal after Covid. What that means for each of us is quite different, yet it's still a process of learning to adjust to what this season of life has left behind. A fingerprint or shoe print so to speak. We move forward and adjust but that print stays there. It is easy to look back and ponder those quarantine days. What a crazy ride we have taken! There were times I wanted off the ride and to just be back to the old way and there are times I have been so blessed by this new awakening of the importance of time with family vs busyness. As always, that gets me thinking. I know! It is shocking. But I ask you to join me as I share a few insights on my new normal in this season of life I am walking currently. I read a book once named "The Seasons of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. She does a great job of describing the journey a mom's heart takes in each season of motherhood. In the book, she describes each season beautifully coorelating with the four seasons in nature.I have just been able to enjoy the beautiful Spring of new motherhood in my sweet nieces this summer. What a beautiful glimpse into a mother being born. One day they are these independent, strong women who are doing their thing and killing it. The next day, they are still strong, independent women, but let me tell you the heart changes when you hold that baby in your arms and know you are responsible for this child. That God chose you to care for and raise this child up to one day know Him and go tell nations about His love. What a beautiful moment to witness as I sit and watch these nieces I have watched grow up, now look at their little ones with such adoration and a bit nervous at times. But they just step up and handle each moment with grace and grit as mom's do. The joy of walking outside on a spring day and seeing trees budding and flowers blooming; that stage of motherhood is so refreshing to witness sitting on this side of motherhood.

I share that example to explain the season I am currently in would be considered the winter. I am still very much a mom. I am a source of strength and beauty in my girl's lives and I pray over them daily. Yet, I am no longer needed as that new born baby or the struggling teen. I have done my "job" in raising two strong, indedependent, capable, brilliant young ladies who are killing it in their own way at life. Both are so different. Both are also striving to be what God wants them to be and deepening their faith along the way. They are feeling the bumps and bruises life gives us and they are standing up under the weight of that with such grace and grit that I get weepy some days. Just so proud of who they are as young women. They don't need to text me or call me daily anymore. They don't need to sit and unload their days with me as they once did. They don't need to ask permission to do something or go somewhere. They don't need to rely on me for much these days. With that reality, at times, there is a gloomy feeling that winter can bring. A sadness at once was and a missing the sweet years my nieces just entered. Yet, on those days, I try to remind myself that my job as a mom is to do what we have done: raise them up to send them out. They are not mine to keep. These precious girls are my gift from God indeed. But He did not say keep them close forever and do not share them with the world. He said raise them up and tell them to go tell of my Son. Oh man, there are days in this winter phase that I am just sad. I miss my girls running in the door to tell me about a new adventure or share a silly story. I miss tiny feet running down the hall at bedtime, sweet voices singing songs in the car, dances with daddy at bedtime, snuggles in the morning with both girls curled around me, movie nights in our room, and so much more. To be honest, if I let it, I could end up in a serious case of the blues, but I have fought to not go down that path as I know that is not what God wants of me at this season. My life is more than just being a mom. I have purpose outside my girls. I think that has been a tough reality for me during this winter season of mothering. Realizing that I need to reconnect with myself as my girls figure out their own paths.

For me, it's been strange. I have loved every single part of being a mom. I never thought I'd be a mom, so the fact I am is a huge gift and I took it very seriously. I poured into the girls with every ounce of energy, creativity and faith I could muster. Sometimes, maybe too much as I found later I had little left to give. But it's easy to figure things you would change sitting on the other side. During those summer days of mothering, I cherished each muddy, silly, nasty, glorious day. Would not change it. I made sacrifices for the family, as did Matt, to raise our girls in a way we felt best. Don't we all do that? To the best of our ability, parents give up things so their kids can have better, do more and become what God intended. I'm no different. I think the focus is what got off for me. I got lost in the title of mother and lost Jane Ann. Easy to do. I let being a mom become and idol. That became the most important thing to me in all the world. No mom would blame me. It is a great gig. But in making it the end all in my life, when that role changed and I was no longer needed in that capacity, there was great loss. A reality to wake up to and a new normal to figure out.

So today, I can say, I am still sorting some things out, but a few things I know for certain; my door will always be open to my girls any time. They are welcome to come and go as needed with no expectation of when or how long they visit. That is tough for me. I want them to visit all the time, but when you put an expectation on these visits it feels like obligation and a job vs just enjoying being there. Kind of the difference between sitting with a grandparent vs a parent. Grandparents are just glad to see you any time you walk in and they stop all they do to enjoy whatever time you give. Whereas, typically a parent wants to know when you will be home and for how long and etc. So I am learning to shift my focus to just being thankful for the moments I do get to enjoy. Secondly, I am trying to not ask as many questions that make them feel I am being pushy or such, even though that's not my intent. I heard them saying they don't like the questions and then they don't share as much. Again, I go to the grandparent/parent connection. When I called to talk to my Gram growing up, we just talked. No list of 100 questions to answer to make sure I was thinking clearly and such. Just enjoying the fact I called. I have to tap into that strength to let my girls know the voice on the phone is all that I care about. We don't have to know all they are doing to be happy to hear from them. Lastly, learning to be a voice of calm and support in their life rather than the voice to guide, critique or teach. At this season, they need to learn things the hard way. They will fall down and instead of hiding it, I pray they know they can come to both of us and share it. We will be there to support them as they figure out how to solve the issue or just listen. Learning to shut my mouth and just listen is not as easy as I thought it would be. I truly don't mean to give off a vibe of being unhappy with decisions etc. But when I choose to question, solve it for them, I indeed do that. I push them away. I grown children do not need us in the same way they once did and I am thankful for their independence. I will always miss the sweet days but not mourn them any longer. Now I cherish each call, text, meme they send me or a visit. I've got a long road to get to where Matt and I want to be as parents to these adult children, but I am thankful that God shows us how to love faithfully, unconditionally and with such mercy and grace. No better teacher!