The New Normal

So many of us are getting use to the new normal after Covid. What that means for each of us is quite different, yet it's still a process of learning to adjust to what this season of life has left behind. A fingerprint or shoe print so to speak. We move forward and adjust but that print stays there. It is easy to look back and ponder those quarantine days. What a crazy ride we have taken! There were times I wanted off the ride and to just be back to the old way and there are times I have been so blessed by this new awakening of the importance of time with family vs busyness. As always, that gets me thinking. I know! It is shocking. But I ask you to join me as I share a few insights on my new normal in this season of life I am walking currently. I read a book once named "The Seasons of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. She does a great job of describing the journey a mom's heart takes in each season of motherhood. In the book, she describes each season beautifully coorelating with the four seasons in nature.I have just been able to enjoy the beautiful Spring of new motherhood in my sweet nieces this summer. What a beautiful glimpse into a mother being born. One day they are these independent, strong women who are doing their thing and killing it. The next day, they are still strong, independent women, but let me tell you the heart changes when you hold that baby in your arms and know you are responsible for this child. That God chose you to care for and raise this child up to one day know Him and go tell nations about His love. What a beautiful moment to witness as I sit and watch these nieces I have watched grow up, now look at their little ones with such adoration and a bit nervous at times. But they just step up and handle each moment with grace and grit as mom's do. The joy of walking outside on a spring day and seeing trees budding and flowers blooming; that stage of motherhood is so refreshing to witness sitting on this side of motherhood.

I share that example to explain the season I am currently in would be considered the winter. I am still very much a mom. I am a source of strength and beauty in my girl's lives and I pray over them daily. Yet, I am no longer needed as that new born baby or the struggling teen. I have done my "job" in raising two strong, indedependent, capable, brilliant young ladies who are killing it in their own way at life. Both are so different. Both are also striving to be what God wants them to be and deepening their faith along the way. They are feeling the bumps and bruises life gives us and they are standing up under the weight of that with such grace and grit that I get weepy some days. Just so proud of who they are as young women. They don't need to text me or call me daily anymore. They don't need to sit and unload their days with me as they once did. They don't need to ask permission to do something or go somewhere. They don't need to rely on me for much these days. With that reality, at times, there is a gloomy feeling that winter can bring. A sadness at once was and a missing the sweet years my nieces just entered. Yet, on those days, I try to remind myself that my job as a mom is to do what we have done: raise them up to send them out. They are not mine to keep. These precious girls are my gift from God indeed. But He did not say keep them close forever and do not share them with the world. He said raise them up and tell them to go tell of my Son. Oh man, there are days in this winter phase that I am just sad. I miss my girls running in the door to tell me about a new adventure or share a silly story. I miss tiny feet running down the hall at bedtime, sweet voices singing songs in the car, dances with daddy at bedtime, snuggles in the morning with both girls curled around me, movie nights in our room, and so much more. To be honest, if I let it, I could end up in a serious case of the blues, but I have fought to not go down that path as I know that is not what God wants of me at this season. My life is more than just being a mom. I have purpose outside my girls. I think that has been a tough reality for me during this winter season of mothering. Realizing that I need to reconnect with myself as my girls figure out their own paths.

For me, it's been strange. I have loved every single part of being a mom. I never thought I'd be a mom, so the fact I am is a huge gift and I took it very seriously. I poured into the girls with every ounce of energy, creativity and faith I could muster. Sometimes, maybe too much as I found later I had little left to give. But it's easy to figure things you would change sitting on the other side. During those summer days of mothering, I cherished each muddy, silly, nasty, glorious day. Would not change it. I made sacrifices for the family, as did Matt, to raise our girls in a way we felt best. Don't we all do that? To the best of our ability, parents give up things so their kids can have better, do more and become what God intended. I'm no different. I think the focus is what got off for me. I got lost in the title of mother and lost Jane Ann. Easy to do. I let being a mom become and idol. That became the most important thing to me in all the world. No mom would blame me. It is a great gig. But in making it the end all in my life, when that role changed and I was no longer needed in that capacity, there was great loss. A reality to wake up to and a new normal to figure out.

So today, I can say, I am still sorting some things out, but a few things I know for certain; my door will always be open to my girls any time. They are welcome to come and go as needed with no expectation of when or how long they visit. That is tough for me. I want them to visit all the time, but when you put an expectation on these visits it feels like obligation and a job vs just enjoying being there. Kind of the difference between sitting with a grandparent vs a parent. Grandparents are just glad to see you any time you walk in and they stop all they do to enjoy whatever time you give. Whereas, typically a parent wants to know when you will be home and for how long and etc. So I am learning to shift my focus to just being thankful for the moments I do get to enjoy. Secondly, I am trying to not ask as many questions that make them feel I am being pushy or such, even though that's not my intent. I heard them saying they don't like the questions and then they don't share as much. Again, I go to the grandparent/parent connection. When I called to talk to my Gram growing up, we just talked. No list of 100 questions to answer to make sure I was thinking clearly and such. Just enjoying the fact I called. I have to tap into that strength to let my girls know the voice on the phone is all that I care about. We don't have to know all they are doing to be happy to hear from them. Lastly, learning to be a voice of calm and support in their life rather than the voice to guide, critique or teach. At this season, they need to learn things the hard way. They will fall down and instead of hiding it, I pray they know they can come to both of us and share it. We will be there to support them as they figure out how to solve the issue or just listen. Learning to shut my mouth and just listen is not as easy as I thought it would be. I truly don't mean to give off a vibe of being unhappy with decisions etc. But when I choose to question, solve it for them, I indeed do that. I push them away. I grown children do not need us in the same way they once did and I am thankful for their independence. I will always miss the sweet days but not mourn them any longer. Now I cherish each call, text, meme they send me or a visit. I've got a long road to get to where Matt and I want to be as parents to these adult children, but I am thankful that God shows us how to love faithfully, unconditionally and with such mercy and grace. No better teacher!

Transition Pains

Where to begin this journey through the grit and grace of life? Why not start right where I am right now! I am a mom of two wise, caring, beautiful, young women. They are fiercely independent and are flourishing in their own communities/areas of life. So what is the issue you ask? It's silly! But I miss my girls needing momma! I know! I know! I hear the mom of the three year old who won't potty train or the triplets that won't sleep through the night. I get it! I don't forget the nights that were so short due a sick child or the tantrums that made you thankful you loved Jesus. Yet, on this side of the parenting train, the house is so quiet. The girls do what they are suppose to do, they grow, soar and fly off. They do check in. It's not the same. Maybe homeschooling made it harder to let go, I am not sure, but what I do know is I miss hearing little feet run down the hall to our bedroom every morning to join us in bed for cuddles. I miss the run down of the day we use to get when they would go play or take classes elsewhere. I miss the singing in the van on the way to events. I miss the dinner table talking about our days: the good part and the yucky part. My niece calls it the glows and blows. Love it! Regardless, my point being, while I do miss those things, if I choose to sit in those moments long, I find myself in a very ugly place. A place of lonliness. A place of looking back instead of forward. A place I believe the best is behind me. I don't believe that at all! I believe that God lets us cherish those moments much like he cherished the time with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The walks and talks. The intimate moments as a family. Now, the fact Adam and eve were banished from the Garden ends the likeness of these two but I bet when they left the garden, God missed those moments. He desired to be close to His children. He wants them to meet Him and share their hearts. He wants to help guide them in their daily lives. He wants to know they are well. He is a loving Father, so I choose to believe that is true of His character. With that being true, instead of wallowing in the sorrow of what once was, I have to pour myself into the relationship I know I need most: with my heavenly Father. I dig into His word. I pray over my girls and husband daily and I share the joys of my life as I started teaching again after being home 19 years. I have no desire to hold my daughters back in the "garden" of our home. I instead crave to see them soar in their lives as God desires them to do. So I have to daily take those moments I struggle missing them to God and know He understands. He gets it. He created me to be their mom and I need to trust Him to hold me through these transition pains until the new normal in this phase of life feels like routine. Until then, I need lots of grace. My girls often hear me say I am sorry I'm bad at this because i've never done it before. But I am learning as I go and I so need their grace along the way. How about you? Is God asking you to let go of something that is blocking you from intimacy with Him? Is He asking you to let go of the garden gate because He wants you to grow in the desert before you see the promised land in your life? Praying you take that leap of faith and step out to see He is sufficient in all ways. Until next time: live in grace.

Welcome!

I have found myself coming back to a love I let go for a season in my life. The love of writing. Not only do I get out my thoughts, but I capture the daily life of my family, prayers both answered and still to be answered, joys and sorrows in our lives. Writing/journaling becomes an outlet that lets me put onto paper what my mind unpacks nightly. It lets me dive into topics I try to escape at times out of pure laziness or fear. I struggle to find this time to pour back into my love of writing, but the time feels right. So, let's take this journey together as I refelect on where God has brought me over the years and see where He is leading me next. One thing I know about being a Christ follower: you need both grit and grace to get through this life. He allows us to build up the grit we need to handle all that life throws our way by the tiny struggles we have along the way. Those little disappointments grow our grit to handle the big stuff in time. Oh and there is big stuff! It is brutal! But God's grace is what carries us through it all. I am eager to unpack a few thoughts before I start sharing about my own journey with grit and grace. First, I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt and teacher. I have PCOS and have never been able to have biological children, but am blessed through the beautiful gift of adoption. Twice. Best decision we ever made! My husband and I live next door to his parents and a mile from his work. I teach in the community. I live 10 minutes from my siblings. I am active in the lives of my nieces and nephews. Love being an aunt! Now I am a great-aunt and they keep adding more! So fun! Second, I am not a counselor, professional support in any way for any of the topics I may share. I am a woman who has walked with God over 30 years and am blessed to share the journey in order to help others on theirs. Or maybe at least find humor in some of what God has done. Last, I love a good story with a laugh, lesson and lots of love. So, know sometimes I might be serious, but there is a funny nugget coming! So pour a cup of coffee or tea, grab your Bible and let's see where God takes us this week!